The itsy betsy spider is cool as heck!

I’m going to try to tie two blogs in together Hurricane Thomas and the coolest spider ever.

Looks like a fly doesn't it!

Joyce left yesterday, two days earlier than planned.  It was a surprise to everyone because she changed her flight in the middle of the night.  As it turns out all flights for Friday (her original departure date) were canceled.

On her last day here I introduced her to my friend Betsy the fly-butt spider.  I first met Betsy as I was walking from my room to the convent and was like “holy Fly-Butt Spider Batman.”  She was munching on an unsuspecting fly that had thought her yellow butt was just too much to resist!

I like to think that I’ve found a new breed of spider so I studied her.  She tends to sit in the middle of her web waiting for unknowing male flies searching for a mate.  Then BAM gotcha.  Side note: we took IMMENSE pleasure in feeding her a few mosquitoes.  She may move awkward because of her over sized butt-weapon. 

I backhandedly mentioned that I was worried about my Betsy spider getting washed out the drain during Hurricane Thomas.  There was a momentary thought of Betsy sitting safely in my room within a glass jar, but I don’t like spiders that much… 

Then Joyce slapped me and said, “Eric there are 1.3 million Haitians who need a freaking safe place to stay and you are worried about a spider?”

Somewhat off guard I replied, “Well I don’t have a big enough jar for the Haitians…”

Even though it was light hearted it got me thinking about the Haitians and their insufficient tents.  In Haiti there are 1.3 million people in tents, 15% of the population.  Imagine if one day 1 of every 7 Americans were living in tents.  Go find 6 other people and draw straws…

A few weeks ago I went into a tent city.  Families of 8 or more can occupy a single tent.  The tents are packed so close together that it’s impossible to walk between them.  Some tents have beds inside but most don’t, and rain means that you’ve got to stand up or sleep in mud.

Imagine camping for 6 months, without any place else to go.  Camping with your kids, washing your clothes by hand, no running water, and the worst part, it’s hurricane season.  Honestly, I’m living like a king compared to these people.  Every time I get frustrated when the water is off for a day or two I just go for a walk.

It makes me wish I could had a 1.3 million person glass jar right now…

Betsy Climbing toward a mosquito.

Today I sit and watch not knowing where to help.  I continue to work on my work which has “long term” benefits.  The one solace I have is the last verse, “the itsy climbed up the spout again.” 

Keep climbing Haiti.

Alright so that’s where I should leave off for this blog but I’ve decided to keep a farewell promise to Joyce.  In lue of an Ode, she requested that I post part of our conversation about Betsy.

Joyce, hard at work or hardly working?

Joyce and I were sitting around the table talking about the dangers of genetic engineering in combination with the marvel of fly-butt spiders.  What could (and would) humans do with such a thing?  I mean it’s dangerous enough that we have lions, and tigers, and bears, but what if man made the deadliest weapon of all? 

GIANT Human-Butt Spiders!

Can you imagine the horror?  Of course they would be created first by the US for military applications in dessert warfare (to be followed shortly by China, Russia, India and strangely Cuba??).  Of COURSE proper safety protocols would be enforced so as to “effectively” neuter them… But we’ve all see Jurassic Park, we know how this ends! 

The spiders reproduce and become man’s deadliest enemy.  Luring unsuspecting males to their webs with their seductively mermaid like hind quarters!  Inter breeding with the Chinese, Russian, Indian, and Cubian Spiders creates multiple species:

• ·         The “maiden in distress”-butt spider,
• ·         The “I’m locked out of my car”-butt spider,
• ·         The “old lady trying to cross the road”-butt spider, and
• ·         The “little girl who’s lost her mom”-butt spider!

Betsy in "Come to me" mode.

 I don’t understand people who are afraid of zombies when this could actually happen!

Be careful who you vote for because they could secretly want to produce a breed of genetically engineered super smart man-butt spiders.

Now that’s scary!

A good day in Haiti

From Haiti Adventures

I want you all to know that I have had some amazing days here. I tend to write when I'm upset and I just don't want to be around anyone. So today I'm going to try to break the trend and tell you all about a really good day.

As most days here start I rolled out of bed to the nuns singing in preparation for mass. Rather than being smoten(?) by a lightning bolt I roll out of bed and take the necessary 15 steps to go to mass. The priest today is my favorite so we’re already getting off to a good start.

My mind wanders to thoughts of Port Au Prince, Pizza, learning to program in Java (I’m a dork), and obviously my lovely girlfriend, Shannon. Why pizza you ask? Well, a few days prior, the sisters had asked me what my FAVORITE food was. I answered like any good America pizza and they promised to make me some before I left!

Following mass and breakfast, I wander looking for children to play with (usually one of the ones in the picture Ose right, or Wood left) or my books to study Creole (notice the capitalization). Renel stopped me to ask, “Eric, you want to go to Cap Haitian with us?” Excited to get off the compound I hurried into the car. The car pulls away as the munchkins grab onto the side repeating their mantra, “Eric Gade’m”.

A lack of the usual near-death experiences made for a pleasant ride. Without my life flashing before my eyes, I’m able to focus learning Creole with Renel and the bustling Haitian market place (which is located in the middle of the street). One of our stops was to get bread and PIZZA!

I admit it I enjoyed it, so sue me I'm no saint and I just love pizza.

Returning to the house I asked Renel (In the pic on the left) if we could go see the orphans again. Smiling he went to ask Sr. Gloria if we could borrow the car. A quick answer and we are off to see the orphans and Smiley-Mc-Smilerton. This time I got them all to make faces “Fe Makak”.

Smiley-Mc-Smilerton (in the other picture with his tongue hanging out) would glance at the pastor to make sure he wasn't looking then give me the best face he could muster. Afterwards we'd all laugh as we looked at the pictures. This process repeated 18 times (yup I counted). I gave the pastor some cash for food and we left.


Feeding 1 orphan for a week: ~$10
Pants from Northface: $60
Plane ticket to Haiti: $400
Camera from that I'm borrowing: Duh free
Pictures of orphans: Also free (see bullet above)
Never hearing this little diddy again: priceless

Later that evening Jean-Robert swung by for a Creole/English lesson. He brought a book with him and would point out words he didn't understand, like blushing. Living in a nation of blacks he has never seen skin that becomes darker due to sun, embarrassment, or anger. For a Haitian to redden their skin they get surgery (Michael Jackson's living legacy). I tried to demonstrate that my face turns red by holding my breath. He looked more baffled than ever but I tell myself he understood.

After our lesson I got the unique experience of watching a Haitian movie. The movie was corny and fun to laugh at, but I actually got to experience life with JR, Sippo, Nata, Ose, and the security guard. For once I wasn't the center of attention and I got to just sit and relax with my friends.

That night the sister's had made a pizza. It was absolutely amazing. They asked if it was the best pizza I'd ever had and unable to lie I said no. However, it was darn good and I told them as much! The sauce was a blend between tomato and buffalo chick sauce. The crust was fresh Haitian bread which is amazing. Only the cheese and and meat needed some attention. Given the situation I could NOT have asked for more. It made that day one of the best and I fell asleep feeling less like a stranger.