Thursday, November 4, 2010

The itsy betsy spider is cool as heck!

I’m going to try to tie two blogs in together Hurricane Thomas and the coolest spider ever.

Looks like a fly doesn't it!
Joyce left yesterday, two days earlier than planned.  It was a surprise to everyone because she changed her flight in the middle of the night.  As it turns out all flights for Friday (her original departure date) were canceled.

On her last day here I introduced her to my friend Betsy the fly-butt spider.  I first met Betsy as I was walking from my room to the convent and was like “holy Fly-Butt Spider Batman.”  She was munching on an unsuspecting fly that had thought her yellow butt was just too much to resist!

I like to think that I’ve found a new breed of spider so I studied her.  She tends to sit in the middle of her web waiting for unknowing male flies searching for a mate.  Then BAM gotcha.  Side note: we took IMMENSE pleasure in feeding her a few mosquitoes.  She may move awkward because of her over sized butt-weapon. 

I backhandedly mentioned that I was worried about my Betsy spider getting washed out the drain during Hurricane Thomas.  There was a momentary thought of Betsy sitting safely in my room within a glass jar, but I don’t like spiders that much… 

Then Joyce slapped me and said, “Eric there are 1.3 million Haitians who need a freaking safe place to stay and you are worried about a spider?”

Somewhat off guard I replied, “Well I don’t have a big enough jar for the Haitians…”

Even though it was light hearted it got me thinking about the Haitians and their insufficient tents.  In Haiti there are 1.3 million people in tents, 15% of the population.  Imagine if one day 1 of every 7 Americans were living in tents.  Go find 6 other people and draw straws…

A few weeks ago I went into a tent city.  Families of 8 or more can occupy a single tent.  The tents are packed so close together that it’s impossible to walk between them.  Some tents have beds inside but most don’t, and rain means that you’ve got to stand up or sleep in mud.

Imagine camping for 6 months, without any place else to go.  Camping with your kids, washing your clothes by hand, no running water, and the worst part, it’s hurricane season.  Honestly, I’m living like a king compared to these people.  Every time I get frustrated when the water is off for a day or two I just go for a walk.

It makes me wish I could had a 1.3 million person glass jar right now…
Betsy Climbing toward a mosquito.

Today I sit and watch not knowing where to help.  I continue to work on my work which has “long term” benefits.  The one solace I have is the last verse, “the itsy climbed up the spout again.” 

Keep climbing Haiti.

Alright so that’s where I should leave off for this blog but I’ve decided to keep a farewell promise to Joyce.  In lue of an Ode, she requested that I post part of our conversation about Betsy.

Joyce, hard at work or hardly working?
Joyce and I were sitting around the table talking about the dangers of genetic engineering in combination with the marvel of fly-butt spiders.  What could (and would) humans do with such a thing?  I mean it’s dangerous enough that we have lions, and tigers, and bears, but what if man made the deadliest weapon of all? 

GIANT Human-Butt Spiders!

Can you imagine the horror?  Of course they would be created first by the US for military applications in dessert warfare (to be followed shortly by China, Russia, India and strangely Cuba??).  Of COURSE proper safety protocols would be enforced so as to “effectively” neuter them… But we’ve all see Jurassic Park, we know how this ends! 

The spiders reproduce and become man’s deadliest enemy.  Luring unsuspecting males to their webs with their seductively mermaid like hind quarters!  Inter breeding with the Chinese, Russian, Indian, and Cubian Spiders creates multiple species:

  • ·         The “maiden in distress”-butt spider,
  • ·         The “I’m locked out of my car”-butt spider,
  • ·         The “old lady trying to cross the road”-butt spider, and
  • ·         The “little girl who’s lost her mom”-butt spider!

Betsy in "Come to me" mode.

 I don’t understand people who are afraid of zombies when this could actually happen!

Be careful who you vote for because they could secretly want to produce a breed of genetically engineered super smart man-butt spiders.

Now that’s scary!


  1. Eric. Nice post.

    Desert = dry, arid land.
    Dessert = sweet course after main dish in a meal.

    Dessert warfare = delicious fight involving the catapulting of cheesecakes and ice cream.

  2. Even those pictures make me cringe (not the one of Joyce!)... and now I'll be inspecting my room for anything that looks like a spider. :) Stay safe!